I’ve soiled the kitchen with my thoughts.

Do you ever feel like your daydreams and fantasies spill out over into the physical world?

Because sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, and thoughts and ideas become so vivid I have a hard time separating them from the physical world. Not that I have a problem separating what’s real from what’s fantasy, but I’ve got this weird thing where I feel as if what’s inside my head can become a tangible physical form and leave traces behind. I sometimes get really anxious because I remember being in a specific room or place and after I’ve left it I get really worried I forgot to rid it off my thoughts. I get this “vision” of how it’s become a goo on the floor or writings on a wall. Then I get really worried someone will walk in on my inner personal thoughts laying about and that they’ll stumble upon my left-over imagination smeared all over the place.

This becomes especially problematic if the thoughts we’re dealing with are of a sexual nature. There is nothing more mortifying than imagining you’ve left your sexual fantasies behind in a public restroom or in someone’s kitchen. The worst part is that you don’t even have to have the thoughts at a specific time/place, but it’s enough to remember a thought for it to leave traces behind. As if the physical realm is just one sticky loofah waiting around to suck up whatever you drop while passing through.  And the shitty thing is that I know how crazy this is and sounds, but that doesn’t stop the burning anxiety from momentarily crippling me as I am struck with the sudden pangs of “oh shit, did I take my daydream with me as I left the lunch room!?”.

Sometimes I think I might have weird problems. But also, I don’t think I’m alone. You so very seldom are. So I’m going to imagine there are a lot of us like this out there. And that’s a thought I have no problem leaving in any place for anyone to find.

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~ by Ape on May 29, 2013.

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