Tumblr. and I. Not a lovestory.

I used to love tumblr. I still kinda do, occasionally I find myself driving by its house and peeking through the windows, remembering a time when it was the two of us. Happy together. Then three hours pass and I remember why it can’t be us ever again.

Tumblr is the bane of your existence if you suffer from an attention span with perpetual premature ejaculation problems. The thing is also that tumblr seems to be made for people like that, like me. It’s a social networking site that more or less encourages you to not finish a single god damn thought. It’s there as a spider’s web leading you down new paths almost as fast as your synapses can fire. You browse, you watch, listen and marvel at the pretty, the important and the simple lols. Feeding your interests and fuelling your fires as quickly as you can name them.

The problem then is that even if it might be meant as microblogging or even a social network that site works exactly like an ADHD mind. A messy tangle of interconnected ideas and half-finished thoughts- glorifying and encouraging endless repetition of obsessions. And if you have an ADHD mind and step into this virtual world of sameness you will get stuck in what feels like an infinite loop that ruthlessly eats up your waking hours and leaves you with absolutely nothing to show for it. The motherfucking Hypno Toad of blogging is what tumblr is.

Dangerous and addictive in the sense that it feeds hyper focus through both its structure and the information so readily available. Which means tumblr is pretty good at simulating ADHD in people whose brain chemistry is “normal” so what chance does the rest of us stand against it?! None – would be the answer if that wasn’t a rhetorical question.

So no, we can’t ever be together, tumblr and I. We’re too much alike. We get lost in our mutual passions. No, I need a virtual lover who’ll give me structure. Who’ll give me excel’s sense of neat little boxes. Linear thinking. I need lists. Long lists. Structure. Tables. And most of all I need a virtual lover who at regular intervals will tell me; No, no more – go home.

I don’t think I’ll find that online to be honest, but falling back in love with tumblr isn’t an option either. So I’ll stick to wordpress and twitter as I try to walk the straight and narrow dirt road of artificial self-discipline. Even if I know I’ll lapse and drive by tumblr again, and again; always torturing myself with what cannot be. What should not be.

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~ by Ape on January 5, 2013.

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